I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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