do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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