i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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