My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
