Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
