my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
