I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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