im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
