You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
