Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
