You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
