if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize