He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
