Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
