she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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