mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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