I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
