drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize