ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
