he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
