You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize