Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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