she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
