I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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