STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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