i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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