I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
