I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
