i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
