I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
