Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
