If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
