Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
