I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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