i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize