I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
