Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
