i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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