kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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