well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
