I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
