I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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