tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
