you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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