yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
