I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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