We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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