I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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