Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
