i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
