I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
