i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
