my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
