New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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