Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
