totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
