On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
