Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
