A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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