it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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