writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
