i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
