I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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