I need help removing her.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
