I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
