If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
