You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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