we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
