woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
