i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
