I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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