I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
