Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
