she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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