You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize