He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
