Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
