Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
