guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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