just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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