Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
