Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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