I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
