she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
