He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
